I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
