Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
