we have officially lost it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
