can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
