Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
