Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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