I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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