Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
