Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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