my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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