i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
