this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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