guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
