omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
