i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
