too bad you live with your parents still
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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