So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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