I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
