I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
