i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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