so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
