So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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