My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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