You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So many bounce houses so little time
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
