i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
