He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
