i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
