i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
