Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
