DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
