You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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