Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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