The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
