he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
