i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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