We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
