when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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