We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
