it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
