I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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