Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again

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(813): View more from Florida

If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

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(718): View more from New York

Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

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(201): View more from New Jersey

he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh

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(897): View more from

i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.

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(614): View more from Ohio

i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight

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(443): View more from Maryland

So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?

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