There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.