I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?