oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
