I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.