so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my being single is dangerous.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
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If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.