Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  I think I just got seasick

  (409): View more from Texas

  you're not on a boat

  (408): View more from California

  he has a waterbed.

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  (408): I think I just got seasick (409): you're not on a boat (408): he has a waterbed. http://tfl.nu/239c
  Replies (7) Good night (1456) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.

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  (925): tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too. http://tfl.nu/05va
  Replies (12) Good night (2235) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.

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  (978): you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant. http://tfl.nu/88h4
  Replies (18) Good night (4325) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

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  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (6089) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.

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  (304): i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers. http://tfl.nu/rz0s
  Replies (21) Good night (4299) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".

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  (617): she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case". http://tfl.nu/rki3
  Replies (22) Good night (3820) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7373) Bad night (1889)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.

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  (313): Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award? (734): She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy. http://tfl.nu/0kwr
  Replies (33) Good night (1128) Bad night (2969)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.

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  (913): Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend. http://tfl.nu/iume
  Replies (5) Good night (955) Bad night (2295)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?

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  (785): She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right? http://tfl.nu/iw36
  Replies (20) Good night (3518) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.

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  (574): He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle. http://tfl.nu/u8g2
  Replies (4) Good night (396) Bad night (1132)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.

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  (306): you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet. http://tfl.nu/iwag
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.

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  (651): i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again. http://tfl.nu/awxi
  Replies (2) Good night (353) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store

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  (407): If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store http://tfl.nu/imig
  Replies (7) Good night (1649) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.

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  (828): Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now. http://tfl.nu/n9x7
  Replies (7) Good night (283) Bad night (1314)

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