My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
