Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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