i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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