If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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