I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
