Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
