I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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