I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
and you fell through a lawn chair
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
