you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
