i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
