put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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