just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
