one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize