At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
