Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
