I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
