shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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