Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize