he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
