She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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