I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
