I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
