There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
