Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
