I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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