somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
