How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
