yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
