I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
